Strange to look back in time and see how much I have changed. I credited these changes to my countless sessions of therapy and thanked the shrink in silence inside my head, amidst all the noise therein. I thought he had helped me find my true self. That is what I had told him I was looking for. He was very straight forward and said he could only be a light bearer but I was the only one capable of “finding the gold”. Little had I known that this is the basic line of every therapy and thought, back then, that he was almost reaching the level of wisdom guru.
Now I hear myself uttering sentences and making decisions that I considered to be those I so long hoped to be able to do. However, the words sound strange to my ears. The decisions seem to be made by a third person. I have not yet decided whether I am enjoying the power of doing these things (it is sort of liberating) or if these actions are turning a sweet person into a bitter one. Am I simply becoming more intolerant to regular and day to day heavy bullshit or less condescending to people? Funny how these two walk hand in hand: people and bullshit.
Well, if I truly believe in the last sentence above about “people and bullshit”, I must be mumbling a lot of nonsense here, therefore… this narrative is over.