(blind) expectation . part 1 of 2

I am blind. I have always been. I was born and raised… blind. I am, therefore, a detail-oriented person by nature. All I do makes me search (and find) all possible details that, together, will define my facts. My reality. My life.

One cannot really imagine what and how it is to be blind. To help you out, I propose you watch a whole movie with your eyes closed. Try it with a movie you are going to watch for the first time so you don’t get attached to images or faces you already know. Of course you have the advantage of being able to building an imagination very close to reality as you have seen all these items before (the clinging of dishes while they dine suggest a whole scenario: table, chairs, wine, napkins, candles – hmmm, which scent?, what kind of food are they having?, and so on…). You will not get distracted by the beauty of the main actress nor the amazing landscapes they choose to shoot at. You will watch a movie for the writing and acting. Period. Then watch it again, now with your eyes open. Experience the difference. Experience your imagination opposed to the director’s. Which wins?

Well, all this was to invite you to read my story as much as possible through my eyes, my vision, my way, my all.

There I was having a chai tea on a busy, yet cozy corner of the city. I controlled myself not to listen to everything everyone has to say. It was driving me crazy and, in a weird way, making me empathetic to God hearing all these wishes and thoughts all the time. I managed to control that and find my own sea sound where I could dive into and hear just me, my thoughts and, sometimes, my nothingness. Later I learnt this was called meditation.

Anyhow, there I was swimming in my vast sea in the middle of the city when a happy voice touched me all over: “Wow! You! How have you been?!” I immediately stood up with a smile and hugged the voice. I felt the heartbeat against my chest, the smell of cinnamon from the shampoo and the softness of the light pink sweater. Yes, to be so soft, it had to be light pink. (See, that is me, watching life as you watched the movie with your eyes closed). One of closest (and may I add, dearest) friends had no idea I returned last night from my lectures up north. She was really happy to see me, especially because she had wonderful news concerning my love life.

Ha.

OK, let´s hear it!, I said slightly more curious than I imagined I would be. I know her so well that all this excitement surely meant more certainty than mere possibility.

She quickly inhaled in a deep, yet short manner and started describing her whole day as to prepare me for the grand finale – that, of course, involved me and my love life. I could sense all the times she arranged her hair behind her left ear and how she looked up to her nothingness as if to get inspiration and use the perfect words in this story telling. After all, she was describing my future for she was sure she had decided it for me. It was a sweet narrative that made my sea calm.

Through these apps, a colleague saw my picture and questioned her about me. Knowing her, she must have used her natural ability to sell me as she would to sell an almost-rotten fruit in a fruit market. After all, I am damaged to some. The blindness, she said, meant almost nothing to the prince charming. He simply asked practical questions on how to date a blind person – where, when and how he should hold my hands or shoulders, if he should pull the chair in the restaurant, if going out for lunch somewhere outdoors would please me more so I would be just someone else wearing sunglasses (I thought that was as original as cute) and so on. He then wrapped the conversation up asking her for my phone number. Knowing me, she obviously told him she would run the idea by me first and get back to him. I allowed her to give him my number, of course! At this point, I was as curious as both of them about this literal blind date I was getting myself into.

Oh, I am so happy you are back already!

So was I.

(to be continued – stay tuned for part 2!)

butterflies

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One Comment Add yours

  1. cg_ld says:

    It´s been a long time. Nice to read you again.

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